the walla recovery | formerly known as alden

finding god: demonstrations one through three

I. description:

a three-part work addressing the imminence and false-finality of the human state, expressed from the longing that is greater than expression allows, that is, the longing of the soul for the origin (sustenance).

II. anatomy:

the three parts:

01: beautiful you
02: long road
03: trains

III. purpose:

to find god (specifically, the holy one of israel, yahweh, jehovah, immanuel, the LORD) in, during, or about common struggle. to demonstrate personal effort thereunto.

IV. method:

need » despair » release » hope » awareness » awe » life. all begins and ends with he who is able. the patterns of life inevitably bring the ones whom he delights in, or keeps, into faith. the path to that place is littered with opportunities to flee. bodily exhortation is an integral component to victory; he is easily found there.

V. abstract:

part 01 deals much in the future, or rather, in moments existing without the burden of time, yet it also seeks physical manifestation of the being and environment of god, heaven, angels, etc. while answers that might appease the brain pondering this subject are by nature engrossing and imaginative, to say the least, i'm afraid they would be incapable of going any distance into reality beyond that—the least. we can, however, find beauty there.

part 02 offers a slightly different facet of this need to experience intangible things, in it's desire for companionship. sometimes our great hidden vulnerability must be forced to surface at all costs, enabling the lover to win us successfully. lonliness has occasionally won us all instead, although it is a fallen beast. we can, however, find love there.

part 03 exposes one other of the elephants that are in the "room." call the warrior to the war; call the demons what they are. the king-healer is capable and willing to train us and be our victory simultaneously. he loves to be the hero; he loves making us in his image. oppression pushes us at every button and heads us off at every pass. we can, however, find freedom there.

(at this point it should be noted that without the intoxicating omnipotence of his glorious nature, thoughtfully paired with the sacrifice of the one, we could never find these—him—in such an earth as ours has become. also, the appreciation of a good comes often with the knowledge of its opposite… i have grown to love this rule and its genius placement in our system.)

these demonstrations, individually and collectively, point to a singular universal truth: every element of our being screams for the one who is able. the search is crucial. finding him is the only anti-slavery. every desire expressed and realized all at once. every need eternally satisfied.

VI. contents:

in lyrical representation:

part 01: beautiful you

i'm not sure where you flew off to when we saw you flying free. i heard it's a long way off, but worth the walk if you can see. i heard they have a softer bed to welcome you at night. and when you're woken gently by the sun, you feel you'll be alright. i could tremble now just to think i know what it looks like there, with the stars below. when the angles sing, is listening allowed? i get carried away. i get lost in you. i'm in love with everything you say and do. you're so beautiful.

i heard the view of the sea from there would steal your breath at sunrise to keep your mind away from anything that makes you want to cry. i heard the leaves change color to brilliance in the fall. and that somehow helps you to forget you ever cried at all. if i concentrate, can i see you there? (tasting brokenness and smelling every prayer…) when the angels dance for you next, can i see? you invite me there: into mystery; into everything that could awaken me. it's so unthinkable! and i get carried away. i get lost in you. i fall in love with everything you say and do. you're so beautiful!

i hope right now you hear my words travel through the dark. i hope you feel me try to catch on fire, and throw me down a spark. i hope you find me spending all to find you in the night. and a window to your beauty opens up and gives me light.

you're so beautiful. you're so beautiful.

part 02: long road

another dark drive home. another night alone. another rediscovery that i don't need a phone. another cloudy you. another rainy view. another fading dream of mine that won't ever come true. and my eyes find no sleep tonight, though they search until the morning sun burns bright. and my heart finds no help to remedy this pain from being alone. it's been a long road alone. i'll try not to be lonely and i'll try to keep a smile. but if you'd come along (if not for the journey, then just to rest my feet a while), i may endure

another well run dry. another do or die. another circumstance that rips away my will to fight. another try my best. another nightmare rest. another wake-up puts me back into the same old mess. in my mind i imagine me waking to your light (it covers everything). so tonight, i will look for you in the sky… rescue me! it's been a long road alone. i'll try not to be lonely and i'll try to keep a smile. but if you'd come along (if not for the journey, then just to rest my feet a while), i may endure another mile.

part 03: trains

one more look in the rear-view. pull in and shift into park. trembling hands take the keys, and alone i step out of the car. my thoughts blow away in the slightest breeze. the sound of your voice brings me down to my knees. if my heart is locked up, then who holds the keys? it's you.

now pretend i'm not hearing storm clouds that call me by name, raising questions of frailty. and now it's starting to rain! accusations like downpour drenching my body/my mind. seeing all that i wanted patiently wait where i left it behind! the thunder is rolling; the sky's turning black. and you linger here like a ghost on the tracks. and i told myself i'd never come back to you…

take me away from here! take me wherever you want! cause i know now my everything's right where you are. i can't breathe when i hear you; i can't speak when i see your face! so tell me now nothing can take me away from you.

VII. conclusions:

heaven is for earth, too. i.e. luke 15: "while he was still a long way off, his father saw him. his heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him."